How to Spot a WannaBe :: J.E.Marriott

This document is intended as a public service only! It should not be used as an instructional manual on "how" to be a "biker". If it has to be explained to you, you wouldn't understand anyway!

Wearing a Harley T-Shirt with nothing on the back...

A real Harley shirt has dealer artwork on the back and chronicles a biker's travels. Shirts with "no backs" are bought at local department stores by dweebs.

Ok, I got a rebuttal on this from people who argue that the official shirts are overpriced. Well, ok. So, you'll spend $30,000 on a bike but want to save $10 3000 miles from home? Umh, buying the bike really screwed your budget, eh...?

Used to own a Harley but can't remember which model...

That's like saying you used to be married but you can't remember her name.

Owns a 1970 something Softtail...

For some reason, this is the #1 BS story I encounter everywhere. Considering they started making the Softtail in 1984, these people have real collector's items!

Owns a "new" Harley, but has never been further than a "three hour tour"...

Ya, I own exercise equipment I never use. Never heard me call myself a body-builder!

Owns a "new" Harley, it's a first bike, and they're a total snob against "Jap riders"...

Most of us who have been riding since before it was "cool" started on practically everything. I have more in common with someone who rides foreign iron (of course, in Canada everything is foreign anyway!) than someone who profiles the latest from the Harley boutique. When all the hype moves on to some other thing like custom vans again or something, a lot of these bikes will be For Sale!

Idea of a shooter does not involve tequila or Jack Daniels, just a lot of creme de this and that...

No, you definitely don't have to drink to be a biker! But if you do, have some class, please!

Knows where to put key & gas, anything else should be done by your authorized Harley dealer...

Wouldn't want to get those new Harley jeans dirty! My favorite is showing these new age road warriors how to check their tire pressure, ha!

(From Dr.No) Has a new Harley tattoo, wearing at least 16 "official" HD items of attire ("biker boots", watch, hat, socks etc.)...

(My interpretation) OK, you have your first Harley. Welcome to the club. Your first job is to be a corporate billboard. You'll understand later why some of us are snickering...

Has 15 homemade tattoos, wearing at least 16 things that says "Harley", and is 17 years old tops (usually found in malls)...

This one's not even worth commenting on.

(From Mystc) Squeaky new leather in the spring, same squeaky new leather in the fall...

(My interpretation) Wow, you must really go through a lot of Mink Oil. Umh, "what's that" you ask...?

Their friends don't have embarrassing pictures of them...

"Umh, no, I don't want to look silly. But I've brought my new Nikon XS45000 with telephoto lens with me to this here biker party, so would somebody like to show me their....?"

Doesn't know Bandit...

Who the heck in Saint John rides a bike and hasn't met Bandit yet?! You guys "from away", you all probably know a Bandit too...

Doesn't own a truck and dog...

OK, you can argue this one. Just seems proper, that's all.

Know any other ways to spot a wannabe?... Let me know !

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	Harley Davidson to build new Model! "The new Stylin' Iron will meet the needs of many Harley enthusiasts" ...
	"Due to a higher volume of sales of clothing, accessories, and other Harley paraphernalia, and coupled with tight financial times that put a further squeeze on overpriced, under-performing machinery, Harley Davidson has partnered with Proptronics to produce a speciality motorcycle called "Stylin' Iron." Proptronics is the company famous making fake appliances that are used in model homes for purposes of show only. In a brilliant management decision, Harley Davidson decided to face the fact that the only reason most people buy their equipment is indeed as a fashion accessory. By building a prop motorcycle, costs can be dramatically cut. The new Stylin' Iron will have the look and feel of a real Harley motorcycle and even comes equipped with a recorded potato-potato synthesiser, smoky air pump to simulate exhaust, and even an adjustable rate oil leak. The bike is priced at under $1,200 and is available immediately. Sales are expected to soar as the new model will allow Harley enthusiasts to spend more money on leather, hats, sunglasses and jewellery due to no longer having to be concerned about keeping the machinery in actual running and riding condition. The expected surge in accessory sales has prompted the Milwaukee company to begin talks with the American clothing designer ****ies to help supply genuine Harley Davidson clothing and retailer K-Mart to feature the new Stylin' Irons in their sporting goods department. A spokesman for Harley Davidson commented "We expect Stylin' Iron to be a huge success and relieve the company of having to deal with complaints from the minority of customers who understand motorcycling, and can turn full time attention to the fashion conscious customers who buys our product to function equally as well as the rest of the Harley Davidson line of motorcycles, in a fashion sense. Some of our engineers who have tested the new machine claim it actually performs just as well on the road also, given a suitable downhill grade and tailwind."

From a confidential source.

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Harley Davidson to build new Model!

"The new Stylin' Iron will meet the needs of many Harley enthusiasts" ...